The men of October...

...are John Edmondson, Jeff Wright, Thomas Sherman, Jeffery Jellison, and Mark, Bill, and Peter Foster, representing the Stage Neck Inn in York Harbor, Maine. Apparently they volunteer as the Ox-Roast Crew for the Harvestfest event. This, of course, is another in a series from the Men of York (Maine) fundraising calendar.

September 27, 1985: The Wedding

Do you remember back to April 15 of this year? You might have been doing your taxes, or you might have been reading this post about how I met my husband on that date 25 years earlier.

From then until now is how long we’d known each other when we were married.

It was wonderful to love and be loved. But moving so quickly was out of character for me—I used to tell people I’d taken longer to pick out shoes. I was 42 and never married, and I had lived alone nearly 20 years (and liked it). I spent the latter part of the summer processing this enormous change and following Peter’s lead in getting ready for it. We tidied up my house and put it on the market. To spruce up the townhouse where I would join Peter and nine-year-old Abby, we did some painting, carpeting, and wallpapering. Oh yes, and we negotiated about furnishings.

* * *

The St. Paul Saints used to have a PA announcer who would follow any mention of a coming marriage with an admonishment to the groom: “Say goodbye to your friends and your stuff.” We laughed every time he said it, because we knew there was truth in it.

Peter didn’t have to get rid of any friends, but when it came to furnishings I was sure that most of my stuff was better than most of his stuff. He had sturdy favorite chairs he’d purchased at flea markets and estate sales and lovingly reupholstered. All these years later, he still has them. Just not in the living room.

A lot of other stuff bit the dust. His ceramic flamingos, which have since returned to a place of honor. A 50’s-era ashtray featuring a lounging lady with her skirt up, which has not. Large plants, which we moved to let in more light—healthier for me, but not so good for the plants. I hurt his feelings when I didn’t appreciate his treasured belongings and leaned too hard on “tasteful” choices. In my defense, I was moving into “their” space, and it felt important to create a sense of myself within it.

Much of our “stuff” did coexist. For example, my big slab pots lived nicely next to his ever-so-delicate Lladro porcelains. In fact, we take great pleasure in the fact that over the years our tastes have merged and we’ve selected many new pieces that blend strength and delicacy. (And after we were married 20 years we finally bought a set of living room furniture together.)

* * *

We wrote our own vows, using an outline provided by a minister I knew from work. We sent new versions back and forth using the same new technology that had brought us together over a work project. The vows were promises to one another. The minister asked us to please mention God in a couple of places.

On Friday, September 27, Peter went to work as usual. I took the day off to arrange a few flowers and try to steady my nerves. A little after 6:30 p.m. Peter, Abby, and I arrived at the home of my friends Carol and Michael and their children, Dan and Maia. The minister arrived a few minutes later, as did Peter’s friends Jim and Sharon. Exactly at 7 the sun came out from behind a cloud and angled its way through the living room window, landing just in front of the fireplace. We emerged from the kitchen, took our places in the sunlight, and pledged to love one another to the best of our abilities.

Tagged...and thinking about the bucket list

Jenn at Just Add Water, Silly has tagged me to answer a few questions. It seemed like a simple task, which is my limit these days. Even so, one item brought me up short and made me realize that my lifelong goals are not still something "out there." Read on, and you'll come to that.

4 Things in My Purse:
* Instructions for the new booster seat we’ll use when I drive my grandson to preschool starting this week

* Unused coupons and gift cards for coffee, bread, and two lunches

* Giant collection of keys (soon to diminish when I surrender my 7 work-related keys)

* An iPod Touch that I rarely use—and I’m not sure why

4 Things in My Desk (at Home):
* A silver “Peace in Guatemala” medallion from the Rigoberta Menchu Foundation

* A wonderfully tiny digital voice recorder

* Photo paper in various sizes

* An unused package of hand-held fireworks (sparklers)

4 Favorite Things in My Bedroom:
* Sleek and sturdy oak furniture I bought long ago and still love

* Counted cross-stitch wall hangings made by Peter’s sister and mother—I used to read them to Augie and discovered that he soon learned them by heart

* A dream-catcher

* A sweet taupe pitcher that was my first pottery purchase

4 Things I Enjoy Very Much at the Moment:
* Simplifying—recycling or tossing accumulated papers, clothes, and junk collectibles to reclaim space

* Playing “drum concerts” with the kids

* Hiring someone to help with the cleaning

* Blogging

4 Songs I Can't Get Out of My Head:
* “At Last”…the version by Eva Cassidy, who sang like an angel and died much too young

* A couple of Dr. John’s blues piano riffs…I hear them in my head and find myself playing air piano

* “I Want to Be Your Personal Penguin” by Sandra Boynton…just one of her many great kids’ songs

* “Little Red Rooster,” an old Willie Dixon tune recorded live by the Rolling Stones with Eric Clapton—they should have stayed a blues band!

4 Things I Always Wanted to Do (but Haven't Yet):
* Learn to paint acrylics and/or water colors (which is why I was drawn to Jenn’s site)

* Win the Powerball lottery

Seriously, I don't have much of a "bucket list." Of the things I "always wanted to do," apparently (a) I’ve done it or (b) it’s no longer important to me. I just want to live the life I've built for myself (with the help of others), and that doesn't require big travels or achievements or ... Okay, I just remembered I've always thought about a hot-air balloon ride, but I'm not sure it's in the "want to do" category. Still, I'm sure I'll be remaking that list over the next months and years (I hope!) as I move into retirement. And finally,

4 Things You Don't Know About Me:
* My sleep number is 45.

* I have no tattoos, but if I had the nerve I’d get my eyelids lined to save time and avoid smudged eye makeup. I do NOT have the nerve.

* My favorite candle scents are cinnamon, vanilla, and a wonderful cranberry-orange holiday blend.

* I am fascinated by the information we put out there about ourselves, on the chance that someone will enjoy reading it. I think it’s a new way of bonding…not better or worse than in-person, just different.

So how about you? I’m supposed to tag four people, but not everybody enjoys memes, so let’s open it up instead. Answer these questions, and if you let me know I’ll link to you.

P.S. Having mentioned Jenn, I want to show you the lovely handmade scarf and bookmark (complete with jewels) she sent me when I won her giveaway celebrating her 150th follower. As I told her, I’d been using a receipt for a bookmark; this is much classier. And the scarf will be great with my winter coat when the Minnesota winds get blowing!

By the numbers

Lisa at Grandma's Briefs talks today about how the pressures of life sometimes come to be represented by a brace of numbers. She ends each post with a question, and today's is this: What numbers are currently causing you distress -- or elation?

I realized that numbers do express both my anxieties and my joys right now.

12.5...weeks until I retire.
20...hours a week I work until then. 
40...hours a week I spend doing daycare for the grands
3...major work projects I'm trying to finish
2...beautiful kids who bring me inestimable joy
6:45...the hour they arrive each morning
0...blog posts since a week ago.

and last but not least,
25...years with Peter; our anniversary comes up soon