Life is uncertain; STOP eating dessert first

I seem to have taken my 2012 motto a bit too literally. It was this: Life is uncertain; eat dessert first.

I meant it, of course, as a light-hearted antidote to too much living-by-prioritization, obligation, expectation. I survived a long career and a demanding volunteer commitment using to-do lists, schedules, mission statements, departmental goals and objectives, and, for a time, logging in 15-minute increments the hours I spent on each project.

Having retired in December 2010, I spent much of 2011 in the company of my husband and two grandchildren, providing weekday childcare. I loved it (still do), and I embraced living in the moment with them. But when the kids weren't here, I found myself mentally structuring my days, evaluating my priorities, and feeling a tad guilty when I put relaxation ahead of duty, "want to" before "ought."

To put this into context, let me step back further. In about 1992 I was struggling at work, not meshing well with a new vice president to whom I reported. Meanwhile the carousel that Peter and I rescued and were operating as volunteers required as much work as our full-time jobs. I went to a career counselor for advice, and after some tests and discussion he told me that if I wanted or needed a job change he thought I'd do best to stay in the same field. But with the carousel becoming like a second job, I was burning myself out and needed to build some relaxation into my life.Eventually I did drop some responsibilities at work and a few at the carousel. But I continued working long hours, feeling a lot of stress, and not knowing how to step back.

In the 20 years since that conversation, I have often felt as though I'm still trying to balance work and not-work, not just for today but over the whole period of my life. It's as though some part of me felt that in the long view, life still owed me some down-time. In fact, life has been more than kind to me, but I was looking for a way to stop feeling guilty when I ignored tasks in favor of momentary pleasures.

That's what I was feeling a year ago when I posted the motto about eating dessert first. I wasn't choosing to stop being productive or useful, I just wanted to relax and not feel guilty about it. Ahem. I may have taken it a little too far. In the past few months, I've been much less careful about to-do lists and schedules, and yes, a few tasks have been overlooked while I, blissfully unaware, lounged. I read and commented on blogs, but my own posts appeared less often. And somehow I got into the habit of eating not just a couple of bites of chocolate at about 3 p.m. (always my need-a-lift time) but eating six or eight, the equivalent of an entire chocolate bar. Possibly followed by cookies. And more of the same after dinner. So really, I've been eating dessert first and last.

I can feel the difference, and I don't like it. It is time to eat in a way that sustains my health and my energy levels, and time to get organized again. We still care for the children, I want to be active in their lives, I have a book to write this year, and there are many other things--both work and not-work--well worth doing.

I will tell you a bit more about that, but this post is already long enough. So let me just say Happy 2013, thanks for stopping by, and I promise I won't wait so long to post again. 
 

Christmas Wishes to All

The decorations on our mantel include many Santa and Father Christmas figures, as well as tiny toys, all symbolizing the spirit of giving and childlike joyfulness this season inspires.

I wish you the very best...natural wonders, glorious music, loving friends and family, and soaring spirits. I know full well that some years we can't have Christmas the way we would like it, and if that is the case I wish you solace and peace and hope.

All the best,

Nancy

aka BLissed-Out Grandma

I coulda been a diva...or a lieutenant

When I was a high school sophomore (all the way back in 1959), I took a test called the Strong-Campbell Interest Inventory (SCII). The questionnaire, still used by career guidance counselors, attempts to predict success in a given career field based on shared interests.

Do you like, dislike, or feel indifferent toward visiting an art museum? White-water rafting? Collecting stamps? These and dozens more questions generate an individual's profile. Then that profile is compared with composite profiles of people working successfully in a variety of fields.

The SCII results were revealed to me and my classmates not one-on-one but in our social studies classes. Any subtle analysis went over our heads. What we heard was, This is what I’m supposed to be.

My result: “Musician-performer.”

I did absorb the caution that while my interests matched those of successful musician-performers, this test didn’t address whether I had the talent or ability to succeed. In fact, I did have musical skills; I played both piano and organ and I performed a fair amount. I accompanied church choirs from age 13 to 20 and played for many weddings and funerals. On the piano I entered a variety of talent contests including the one in which my friend Sharon Nelson and I won first prize, beating Bob Dylan.

Nevertheless, I never really considered a career in the arts. I was already planning to work in advertising, a notion that eventually led to a satisfying career in public relations, writing, design, and marketing. These, too, are creative pursuits, and the profile that matched with “musician-performer” likely would also have matched with some variation of public relations or publications professional.

Alas, one of the serious flaws of the SCII at the time was an almost non-existent set of career fields for women. Profiles were compared only with sample groups of the same gender as the test-taker. Test designers focused on careers that required training. Results depended on having enough women employed in responsible positions in a given field that they could be surveyed. But in 1959, few women were well positioned in business and the professions. My business-minded friends were told they would be good candidates for leadership in the military, the only female group large enough to yield a reliable profile.   

I’ve been thinking about this only because I’ve been trying to figure out why I am drawn to the TV show The Voice. Twice a week when Peter and I settle in the den to watch, he points out that he is only watching this show because I am, and we like to spend evenings together. Should I ever start watching another reality show, he says, I’ll be watching it alone.

We’re probably safe. I’m not a fan of other reality shows, including other talent competitions. While shows like American Idol often feature harshly critical judges, The Voice features coaches (all of them popular singers) who assemble teams and then try to coach them to victory by helping them expand their vocal and performing skills. Even negative feedback is specific and kind, along the lines of “I enjoyed that but you had a little trouble with pitch,” or “This wasn’t your best performance; I don’t think the song showcased your strengths.”

Monday night this season’s final six contestants will perform, and Tuesday night we learn which four remain, having garnered the most votes from the public. I don’t vote for my favorites; I just enjoy the performances and the coaches’ feedback.  

After all, I have a lot in common with them. The Strong-Campbell Interest Inventory told me so.

Looking back with thanks....

At Thanksgiving 2009, shortly after I began blogging, I wrote about a turning point for which I was especially grateful. It set me on course to become what I am today, a BLissed-Out Grandma. Here's a tweaked version.

About a year and a half ago {spring 2007], I was sitting in my car sobbing on a bright May morning because I didn't want to subject myself to one more day in the toxic cesspool that my place of work had become.

Peter said, "If it's this bad, go in and quit. We'll manage somehow."

So I went to see the Human Resources guy, and I described a few of the freakshow conditions to which our staff was being subjected. I told him what my husband had said. He asked me, "Is that what you want?" I took a deep breath and said, "Yes. This is sucking the life out of me. I have to get out."

The HR guy said, "There are going to be changes. Do you think you could wait a bit?" His tone told me what I needed to know, so I said yes, I'd wait it out. Three months later, they finally fired our boss. Things got better immediately.

The same week our boss left, I drew up a proposal to work fewer hours with fewer responsibilities: Instead of managing seven creative people I would work 75 percent time as a senior writer-editor. "Okay," they said. I wanted to work one of my days at home. "Okay." (A year later I asked to go to half-time and they said "Okay" again.)

And that is how I went from a thoroughly unhappy, burned-out, acting-out director of publications to a mellow part-time writer-editor and part-time day-care grandma who calls herself blissed-out.

I am thankful that the HR guy was willing to suggest I wait...he managed to tell me just enough without violating professional ethics. I am also thankful to Peter for saying, "Quit if you need to." Feeling that I could quit made it less necessary to do so, because I no longer felt trapped.

At the time I wrote this I was a year from retiring, though I didn't know it yet. Our bad boss was replaced with someone both knowledgeable and appreciative, and when I retired I could look back on my nearly 30-year career at the college with satisfaction. That couldn't have happened had I quit on that memorable day in May 2007. 

We have many things for which to be thankful, and I regularly express my gratitude for the life I'm living now, especially the opportunity to care for and mentor our grandchildren. Looking back, I'm thankful that I spoke up that day and said I was ready to quit, and equally thankful that I didn't. 

Sometimes it's difficult to speak up put things in motion. But once we do, the outcome can be even better than we'd hoped for. 

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.