You can't always get what you want...

Augie turned four last weekend.

Four is a great age, at least if you're a parent or caregiver. Kids are developing their personalities and their passions, they still have most of their innocence, and they are (mostly) getting past the tantrum stage so they can be reasoned with.

Augie had once told me, "Grandma, it's hard to be three." And it was. Suddenly he had to be thinking constantly about getting to the potty on time, no matter where he was or how much fun he was having. Also, his little sister, just 15 months younger, was graduating from baby toys to whatever he had at the moment. He had to learn to share, and to "Be nice to your sister."

This week, just after his birthday, I asked whether it was better being four, and he said, "Sure," which sometimes means, "I'm not wasting time thinking about that."

I'm no expert in psychology, but I know that at some point - and for me it was as a four-year-old - we realize that our parents cannot meet all our needs and wants, that the world is not perfect, that we are not guaranteed perfect love and success. How and when this hits us determines what our issues will be in later life. For example, some of us will crave unconditional love (love me for being who I am) while others will crave approval (love me for doing what I do). I don't know all the theory behind this, but I believe it. Peter says the trick is to help children come to grips with these realities without totally crushing their spirits.

Yesterday we were watching a few short videos on YouTube with Augie and Vi. As usual, Augie wanted more. We said no, it was time to go and play, and we started naming possibilities - play the drums, do some tap dancing, play with Legos, color, make sticker pictures, pound some nails, and on and on. He wasn't having any of it. He cried and carried on and buried his head in his hands. Then he looked up.

"Pa," he wailed, "Why can't we have whatever we want in life?"

There it was. The Question. Not just, "Why can't I do what I want to"? but "Why can't I have whatever I want in life?"

I gathered him into my lap and said that sometimes we want things that aren't good for us, and sometimes we want things that just aren't possible. I was on the verge of telling him the secret is finding happiness with what you  have. And yes, we and his parents will all tell (and show) him that.

But I stopped talking, and for the next half-hour we just sat and cuddled. Eventually he got interested in something his sister was doing and went off to play.

Later, during quiet time, I heard him singing softly to himself. "It's hard to be three. It's hard to be four...five, six, seven...." He counted up to twenty-something before he trailed off. He didn't sound especially upset, just interested and processing a new idea.

I don't want it to be hard to be four. But we can't always get everything we want.

So we'll have to set about being happy with what we have. And that's a lot.

Coming in like a lion...

Meet Dave, who represents St. Paul firefighters for the month of March. The calendar benefits the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and the Autism Society of Minnesota.

I'm always pleased to turn the page to March. It's still winter in these parts, but new snow usually melts fairly quickly in March, the sun is noticeably warmer, and days are growing longer. It's also my birthday month, and spring training is underway in major league baseball. Life is good.

What's cooking?

Ask me what's new since I've retired, and this is my first answer:

I'm cooking.

I've mentioned (or boasted) before that Peter has done all the cooking during our 25-year marriage. My mom taught me some of the basics and as a teen I baked cakes and cookies, but in the years that I lived alone I lived mostly on frozen dinners and popcorn. I used to joke that my most frequently used spice was popcorn salt.

Peter and I share equally in our full-time Wild Rumpus Daycare for Grandkids. Outside those 40-plus hours each week, he puts in another 40 hours for his business. It made sense that when I retired I would take over cooking dinner (he still does breakfast and lunch weekdays when the kids are here).

Nobody expected that I would be a good cook. In fact, I think we both expected that I'd hate every minute I spent in the kitchen and that I would rely heavily on prepared meals (we used the newer bagged ones as an interim solution and quickly began referring to them as bags-o-crap). And indeed, it took me a while to figure out where to look for inspiration. Our cookbooks had little appeal and my ancient box of recipe cards holds a wide and wild variety of things I'll never make. Time to build a new collection.

I was hungry for a couple of Peter's favorites, so I started with chili and chicken-vegetable soup. Then I tried a few recipes posted by people I follow, and I paged through a year's worth of a cooking magazine we no longer receive.

And guess what? I've managed to provide tasty, balanced meals that we both enjoy. Some of them - pork chops, pork loin, lemon chicken, salmon - have been downright delicious. I have enjoyed planning the menu, shopping for the ingredients, and preparing the food. I can usually manage to get the salad, vegetable, starch, and main course ready at the same time, although once in a while I ask Peter to drain the noodles or top off the salads while I finish a sauce. Dessert usually consists of fruit and a little ice cream - or Girl Scout cookies - though I did make pudding using one of the lovely vanilla beans I received in a giveaway from The Good Cook. I've also been making blueberry and lemon-poppyseed muffins, because Augie loves them.

In other words, I've been much more ambitious than I expected to be, and we've both been happy with the outcome. That's important - and a huge relief - because I only enjoy doing those things that I do well. If my early efforts had bombed, we'd be back to bags-o-crap and retired life wouldn't be nearly so much fun.

So, got any great recipes, cookbooks, food sites, or food bloggers to recommend?

Not just for ballet anymore

Ballet tutus are all the rage. Little girls wear them everywhere, and makers of kids' clothes now fashion tutu skirts for daily wear. A year ago, I bought one for ViMae at Target for a dollar or two. Then I made an elaborate one (which, it turned out, was so poofy that it ends up a twisted mess). She got a couple of different ones for Christmas. And now, ta-da, a tutu swimsuit! Her mommy couldn't resist. If I'd seen it first, I couldn't have resisted, either.

So here she is, modeling it at swim class, accessorized with the cast she is wearing to immobilize a broken foot. Did that stop her from swimming? Not a bit. The cast is waterproof, and it doesn't slow her down much, in water or on dry land. And yes, she really does have a left arm; she's just reaching back to adjust her tutu.  (I stole this photo from her mom's site because I couldn't resist.)