Depression: to drug or not to drug

Over the past few months I've come across at least a half-dozen posts about depression. Some of these writers have expressed hesitation to use antidepressants. Reasons vary; people are wary of side effects, or of the social stigma, or they feel that it's more authentic to deal with life without those drugs. I respect these considerations. But after writing a lot of comments on other people's posts, I thought I would tell my own story here.

I was diagnosed as clinically depressed about a dozen years ago. For months I had been fatigued, forgetful, weepy, irritable, and unable to concentrate. Making the simplest conversation took a huge amount of effort...I felt like I was standing in a trench several feet below ground level and had to haul myself up to make eye contact before falling back down in a heap.

I was putting all my effort into doing my job, which of course suffered from my lack of focus. I had nothing left by the time I got home, which created more problems. I fixated on every big or little thing that went wrong in my life, failing to realize that most were things I should be able to take in stride. Finally a friend, herself a therapist, spelled out the obvious. I had Seasonal Affect Disorder, a chemical imbalance not uncommon in places like Minnesota, where daylight is in short supply in the winter. I realized I'd been getting sad and irritable every year from November until April; this time it was simply worse than usual.

I never hesitated to take antidepressants. Fortunately, they worked. I was lucky that I didn't have the dangerous side effects some people have suffered. TMI warning: Some antidepressants also suppress libido, but you know what REALLY suppresses libido? Sobbing and griping and hiding under the bedcovers and being so dazed that you drive past your own house. Yes, please, I'll take the drugs. I did swallow hard at the prospect of seeing a therapist in order to get the prescription, but I soon got past that. After a half-dozen superficial sessions (or maybe I really am remarkably well adjusted other than the SAD), I just have to check in every year or so to have the prescription renewed.

I used to hear people say they worried that an antidepressant would deprive them of experiencing normal feelings. But I still feel appropriately sad when sad things happen, and elated by happy things. The way I see it, my meds have simply straightened out a chemical imbalance and allowed me to be the person I am meant to be.

I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty

..."Representing the United States of America, gold medalist BLissed-Out Grandma." I mount the medal stand and bend down so the prince of Monaco can place the medal around my neck. I free my flowing blond locks--er, dangly earrings--from the ribbon and accept the understated green bouquet. I sing along to the Star-Spangled Banner (does nobody do that any more?), wipe a tear, then wave jubilantly to the cheering crowd.

* snap *

Okay, I'm back from my Olympic daydream to tell you about a different award, bestowed upon me by the lovely Allyson at Magnolias and Mimosas. I feel like a "glob" today, but let's focus on the "gorgeous" part instead. Thank you, thank you. I'm passing this award to Ms Sparrow, one of my very first followers, who often sees the beauty in things but sometimes needs to be reminded of her own!

Speaking of beauty, here is Mr. March from Maine. Specifically, he is Bernie Lontine, who promises "coverage for everything" through his insurance agency. The calendar is produced by the Greater York Region Chamber of Commerce and supports area nonprofits. It came to me through a giveaway by Eva at Wrestling with Retirement.

And speaking of Olympic daydreams, I am a little sad to see the winter games end. The figure skating--my major reason for setting up in front of the TV--was fabulous. The skiing and snowboarding and speedskating ranged from amusing to amazing. The Opening Ceremonies had that stunning k. d. lang rendition of "Hallelujah," and the Closing Ceremonies had--huh? William Shatner? Okay, they had some lame moments, but you gotta love that they opened by making fun of the torch malfunction during the Opening Ceremonies! With a mime pretend-pulling the missing part of the torch up out of the ground! The Canadians have a great sense of modesty and humor. And I want their national anthem. It's beautiful, peaceful, and fun to sing.

Happy birthday, Augie

Dear Augie,
You are three years old today. You're an awesome boy--smart, clever, funny, strong, loving, honest, curious. You love baseball, music, books, carousels, muffins, Berenstain Bears, "vehicles" (you don't just play with cars, planes, and trains), building words with rubber letters, and so much more. You have a huge heart, a quick mind, a strong will, and enough charm to get you out of all kinds of situations. I don't know whether I'll read this to you today or just let you read it for yourself in a year or so. I love you sooooooo much. So do your mom and dad and sister, all your grandparents, and your aunts and uncles and cousins. And you love them back. Happy birthday, very special boy!

Funny video of Macalester College president

Who would ever think that a Dickens scholar and college president would have the sense of humor to "star" in a video like this one? It's gotten nearly 24,000 hits on YouTube since it was posted on President's Day.

President's Day at Macalester College